Grief and Loss

Will I ever feel okay again?

Will it always be like this?

What will it be like if it's not?

Grief is hard. It's as if there is no true way to express how big of an understatement that is. You could have anticipated the death and it doesn't matter: this grief is hard. You could be grieving someone who died suddenly, and that carries with it its own brand of difficult, painful, shocking.

Whether expected, sudden or somewhere in-between, the actual process of grieving is at best a gut-punch, tiring, disorienting—a lot to deal with. While it's a natural process, you needn't study science to know "natural" does not necessarily mean easy — and you don't have to deal with it alone.

Therapy can help make sense of the loss or at least help you to understand what you're experiencing when you're grieving. At the end of the day, what you're going through is the experience of losing someone, how it is affecting you, and ultimately how it is going to shape who you are and how you see life as you move through it.

Grief is not linear.

What does that mean?

It means things don't go in order. You might have heard of the 5 Stages of Grief. Here's something a lot of people don't know: those stages were originally written about patients facing their own terminal diagnosis — not about the people grieving a loss. So it makes sense they don't map neatly onto what you're going through. You might feel a myriad of things: depression, anxiety, disbelief, anger. And the next day might feel more of the same or something different.

We feel what we feel and remember what you feel is valid.

Am I grieving the right way?

Grief shows up in a myriad of ways:

• Confusion

• Weight loss/weight gain

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Sleep disturbance

• Numbness

• Loss of concentration

• Acting out with drugs/alcohol/food/sex

• Disinterest

You might see yourself in none, some, or all of the above. What I can say is whatever you're feeling, it makes sense. You're not doing anything "wrong." It just can feel wrong to feel this way.

I work with people who are grieving. Why?

I care about the grievers. Deeply. Because of a significant loss in my own family I became very passionate about always being there for the people who are grieving yet aren't sure how to be supported or to whom they can go to.

I'm there when the casseroles stop showing up.

My approach weaves in everything I believe in and that which you believe in as well – in other words, I meet you where you're at. You might be an atheist, you might be a devout Christian. You might want to discuss the meaning of life right now. I'm here for who you are and what this is for you in how you see the world.

The clients I've worked with are men, women, older adults, younger adults. They have suffered many types of losses including parental, spousal, sibling and infant loss. I've been honored to work with those who've lost best friends, their therapist, their pet whom never felt like a pet.

Grief is grief. What it takes away and what it brings up is where our work is.

So what happens with Therapy?

Therapy with me is a way to feel seen and heard in your grief. To let me know who died and how you feel about them, about the loss, about what happened and what it makes you think about. I'm an attachment-focused, person-centered therapist. All that means is I listen, I pay attention, and we look deeply at how you're processing your loss.

I work with the mind, body and spirit. We talk about how you're thinking about this, how it's affecting your life, what you need to feel functional and eventually, what helps you to feel more incorporated in your life while also incorporating this loss into your being. A goal in grief therapy is learning how to make sense of the loss while finding how to live with it — and finding a way to understand you actually can feel good again. Even thrive.

It takes what it takes.

What Comes Next?

Let's talk. Let's talk grief. Your grief. I'll hear about who you lost, what happened, and what you want from grief therapy. I'll explain how I can help and we'll decide if it's the right fit.

No matter what just know, you don't have to be alone in this.

It is amazing what can happen when you feel heard.