Therapy for Men

Mental Health is Health.

• Are you having resistance going to therapy?

• Are you not used to talking about yourself like that (whatever that means)…?

• Maybe therapy's fine for other people — really — but not you. Yet here you are so let’s talk about this!

I see men who've been to therapists before and men who have not. And some men have no problem talking about their deep inner stuff and others are not quite sure what that means, how to get there, and don't get how it connects with the fact that they're feeling bad.

By talking, even awkwardly maybe at first, you can start to feel better. It's a scientific fact.

Turns out this isn't just my opinion — the American Psychological Association has looked at the research across basically every kind of therapy and found it works better than not going at all. [Link: https://www.apa.org/about/policy/resolution-psychotherapy]

So, you might rather do something, anything else rather than talk about your problems. Yet we both know your problems might just stay there or get worse. Science is science. Therapy has been tested. It's better to talk about it, whatever it is, than not.

In and of itself, talking about what's really going on — be it relationship issues, anxiety (including the high-functioning kind that looks fine from the outside), depression, concerns about alcohol use, childhood trauma, grief and bereavement, burnout, toxic work environments, navigating familial stress, figuring out how to parent, figuring out how to deal with your parent — helps. It matters to be heard, 100%. With counseling, you get a place that is just for you, to be known and understood, and to get some insight into what is working and if something's not, why it isn't and what could work better.

It might work for other people but I don't know…

You are absolutely unique in your own way, of course. There is, as you know, no one who is you. But are you different in ways that rule out you feeling better? I just don't buy that. I think if you're motivated to go to therapy, you're motivated to experience life differently. You want to feel better. Good — I want that for you too. And it's my job to let you get it all out, try to make sense of it, see what's causing you the issues you're having troubles with, and together finding ways to approach life differently. If you're at all responsible for the ways in which you suffer, then boom! That just makes you human. And so it stands to reason: if you've had a hand in how you feel, you've got just as much of a hand in feeling better.

There is no beast in man, there is only man in man – Carl Rogers

Carl Rogers was a psychologist who is considered the founding father of what is called Humanistic Psychology. And he’s a hero of mine, continuing to inspire me to this day. I believe strongly that at your core is the desire to improve, to have life feel better, to improve the structure that informs the way you wish to live your life.

As a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist I get to talk with men, just like yourself, who when experiencing unconditional positive regard get to make positive long-lasting changes in their lives. My clients want to solve their problems by examining their lives and making improvements. I weave into my work whatever I believe could assist you in that journey. I think of the whole person. A session with me could be just straight up talk, or we might weave in something called Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) to get some clarity about your goals and what's blocking you. It wouldn't be absurd for a fly on the wall to hear my client and me laughing. It also wouldn't be absurd for us to suddenly be talking about the meaning of life. And at some point, I'd probably end up teaching my client how to use something as simple as breath to calm their nervous system. It's just how I roll.

All in all I approach each person with whatever I've learned that can bring relief and real solutions to their life. And if something isn't for you or doesn't work, we drop it. We can pick it up again if at some other point it feels like it suddenly could be effective.

What I think helps right from the start

What I know works for my clients is when they want to do the work. You show up and that's the beginning of the work. The joy is to see how that unfolds. I've had the pleasure of working with many people through grief, anxiety, toxic work situations, bumpy relationship problems and so forth. Having a place that is just for you loosens the reins of the stressors in your life so you can relax and realize you do have agency, you really do. A therapist like me simply helps you get there quicker than if you tried to do all this by yourself.

When deciding who to work with, there are a lot of choices.

So true. You could basically throw a stick and find a qualified therapist in the state of California, am I right? What I can tell you is I care, I'm passionate about my work, and my goal is to do a good job. My clients are important to me. Hands down. I want what is best for them. I'm motivated by my desire to help and curiosity for emotional truth. When we're in reality, solutions come much more easily. Might still take a second to get there but trust me when I say, I've seen great changes in my clients. It starts with being witnessed and understood — from there, it's chipping away at what's not working and finding what feels more in alignment with who you are and who you really want to be. I don't know where I heard it but since I have I've never stopped saying it: small changes can lead to big outcomes.

It's amazing what can happen when you feel heard.

Contact Me If You Have Questions.