Grounding Techniques (you can learn from your laptop)

Sometimes we make things complicated. We actually think healthy solutions for life’s stressors are reserved for others. If you read that and you’re thinking, “That’s me, I think I’ll stop reading” hold on. This isn’t rocket science. The solution is right in front of you.

So am I right when I say terms like meditation, mindfulness, and grounding feel relegtated to a group of people who have gone to woo-woo school and have all the time in the world to calm down? Of course you know what I’m going to say: that’s just not true. Mindfulness, meditation, grounding – it’s for everyone and anyone and it doesn’t take a long time to grasp. There are things you can do to relax your body and your mind and you do not have to be a Buddha on a mountain to do it.

Take a lesson from your laptop.

You open your laptop. The first thing many see are the date and time. Say it’s November 1st, 2026 at 6:00am. That stares you in the face. Message 1 says: BE PRESENT. It’s never going to be this day and time again (unless you believe in time travel and I am ready for that discussion). So, take a breath. Maybe even close your eyes. Right here, right now, it is this day and time. Open your eyes. Look around you. Take in the sight, sound, feel, colors of this day and time.

That my friend is the essence of being present.

Okay, now let’s look down at the keyboard. There are some keys we can ignore (like CAPS LOCK) but there are others, the messages of which can be imbued with new meaning.

The Key: esc

The key for Escape (or esc) is a reminder. We need a break. We need a break from the relentless world of chatter, busy-ness, and to-do-ness of our lives. We need a break from the hamster wheel in our brain of what could go wrong (aka anxiety). Of course, there are plenty of ways to escape that aren’t necessarily good for you — and let’s be real, sometimes they do cut down on the noise, put a stop to the anxiety for a little while. I happen to believe that the “not-good-for-you” ways are not always a poor choice, especially in moderation. But if you’re binging Bravo while eating boxes of chocolate on the daily, your escape could be causing you more problems and agita than what you’re escaping from.

An alternative is a 5-minute meditation. Just like for little kids I believe in the benefits of Quiet Time. So, let’s not even call it a meditation. Oh, I must add: under a heavy blanket. I’m a big believer in that investment but any cozy covering will do. Now I’d be remiss if I didn’t recommend pulling up a relaxing short breathing or relaxation video or audio on YouTube or Calm or Peloton. Not a huge fan of silence (can you tell?) but if that’s your jam, amazing! Either which way, five minutes is all you need. Shut out the world, turn your attention inwards, just for five minutes. Boom! I will add, and all the gurus in the world will probably come at me for making this suggestion, but maybe even put on an eye mask! You know — like the old Calgon ad — take me away!

The Key: shift

You might be gnawing on a problem or angry with someone or some sort of entity or institution or law or tax. I mean you are a person in the world and people get their panties in a bunch pretty much every day. Sometimes for very good reasons. But the repetition of the thought is simply not helpful. Ever have a fight with someone in your head where you say all the right things over and over and over again? Talking out loud in your car to that person, saying the right thing over and over and over again? Eating your eggs and toast and explaining why you are right to that same person over and over and over again. Totally. I got you.

You can’t shift your perspective by doing the same thing repeatedly — and that loop in your head? I know the feeling: perma-replay. Breaking the chain of that sort of noise takes intention and effort. One thing that can help: moving your body.

Get out of the house and go for a walk. That’s right. Moving your body in this simple form of exercise is beneficial to your body and your mind. Right-left-right-left. That’s bilateral stimulation right there (not going to explain that at the moment, just trust me — that’s good for you). In addition, you are not in the same place as where you started. That’s called a station change. Getting a station change also has the added benefit of shifting your perspective or putting a wrench in the cycle.

Other ways to achieve a station change or shift in perspective begin by leaving the room or environment you’re in and going to a new one. If you can add an activity that introduces a new temperature or feeling to your body, even better. Go from the living room to the bathroom and run cold water over your wrists. Head to a nearby park and do ten jumping jacks. Jump in a pool — talk about a somatic shift! Take a shower.

Our bodies take on a lot more of our emotional fallout than many of us realize. Shift can come from a physical experience that includes sunshine and a stroll. It’s that easy.

The Key: return

What a nice message return is. And it can mean so many things. For our purposes, let’s focus on breath.

We return to the breath when we want to get present — but also when we want to remind our body, our system, that we can relax now. That doesn’t mean everything is perfect or there’s nothing to be upset about, but the breath calms our central nervous system and you’re going to fall asleep if I continue on that track so just trust me. It’s good to slow down and breathe. If you’re up in arms over work or money or kids or a relationship, or you’re afraid you’re not going to get something you want or you’re going to lose something that is important to you, say it with me:

RETURN TO THE BREATH.

But how? Excellent question. There’s a whole book on breathing that I recommend to my clients called Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art but maybe you’re not going to make that investment and that’s okay. I will start you off and if you’re still interested THEN you can get the book (though truth be told I took it out of the library)

Here are a few helpful guidelines that can start your breathing journey. Btw I’ve been trying to avoid that word but I genuinely can’t think of a better one!

Breathing Exercises:

Breathe in through the nose for a count slightly shorter than when you exhale out the mouth. That longer exhale is signaling to your body that it can relax. The way we do it in my office is we breathe in through the nose for a count of 4, pause, and then exhale out through the mouth for a count of 5 or 6. Pause. Then breathe in again through the nose for 4, pause, and exhale out through the mouth for a count of 5 or 6. You can do this say, 3 times in a row and the benefit could be minimal or not-so-minimal. For most, it actually calms the nerves relatively quickly.

There’s also box breathing. Imagine in your head that when you breathe in for a count of 4 you are drawing a straight line up. For the next count of 4 you are drawing horizontally — or the roof of the box. Now breathe out and draw down for a count of 4 the other side of the box. Hold again as you draw the bottom of the box for another count of 4 to close the box.

Yes! You drew a box! And you took 1 full intentional breath. Not too shabby.

Last but not least, there’s equal parts breathing. Breathe in through the nose 1, 2, 3, 4… and out through the mouth 1, 2, 3, 4. Do that a few times and you might have the welcome benefit of mellowing out your system.

It’s free, it’s easy. It’s breath.

The Key: moon symbol ☾

Have you ever heard the acronym H.A.L.T.? It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. When a friend is upset, a good buddy thinks to ask: when did you last eat? What are you angry about? Do you need to talk? And finally — the big ticket item — did you get enough rest last night?

Sleep cannot be overrated. Of course you might be someone who sleeps too much, or someone who sleeps too little. Or it could be that when you’re upset there’s a direct correlation to how much — or how little — you slept the night before.

In the moment, when you’re out of sorts, taking a break and resting might be a smart choice. Resting does not always mean napping. Napping could actually disrupt your ability to sleep through the night, and that might be a pattern worth addressing with a therapist. Rest, though, could be reading a book, doing some restorative yoga (which is like stretching with a pillow and you do not have to be fit to do it), or changing the sensory stimulus in your environment — lowering the lights and lighting a candle. Rest could be a break from social media, news, TV. Think of the moon in all its many phases — soft, different, and quietly communicating the idea of: don’t be so on.

So yes. Rest damn it!

The Key: delete

To me this is more of a philosophical message. Delete reminds us to ask: how important is this really? When you’re shorting out on something, chewing it over endlessly, it’s actually an important question to sit with.

There are of course some big ticket items. And they need to be addressed — albeit not always right here, right now. But there are also some things that honestly don’t matter. Are you trying to stay mad because you think you’re right, but in reality, who cares that someone didn’t unload the dishwasher even though they said they would? In other words, are you making a mountain out of a molehill?

I’m all about communicating our woes. When it comes to relationships, I believe we do need to talk about the things that bother us. I also believe in picking and choosing, and asking yourself: how important is it really? Some of the stuff that bugs us just bugs us — but it’s not worth the effort of the talk, the fight, the relaying. What to do with the material that isn’t worth it?

DELETE.

Forget it! You have bigger fish to fry.

And that’s it. What this boils down to is a reminder that we can find meaning in things that for so long have meant something else. The next time you look down at your laptop — if you ever do — maybe give it a think. Pause. You have options (The Key: option). Remember, you will never be in this moment in time again, so, escape for a few minutes, return to the breath, shift your perspective, take a little moon rest, and you know — delete!

If any of this resonates, or you’re not sure where to start, feel free to reach out. I’m happy to talk.